


Keep Me Numb

by iridiumring92



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Blind Ignis, Canon Timeline, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Post-Altissia, Unresolved Sexual Tension, episode ignis references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 07:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13608864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridiumring92/pseuds/iridiumring92
Summary: Overwhelmed, Ignis decides he has to tell Noctis what happened.





	Keep Me Numb

**Author's Note:**

> _"I know that there's an ending_   
>  _To every shred of comfort I've let in"_   
>  [\- Heavy Hearts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzC4byfC45c)
> 
> For Ignoct Week 2018: Noctis learns what happened in Altissia.

“We don’t have to talk.”

Noctis whispers this, voice barely a hiss, into Ignis’s ear. He’s leaning over Ignis in the bed they haven’t quite been sharing, in Noctis’s compartment on the train to Gralea. The shades are closed, the door is locked, the lights off. A few stray slats of light come through the shades over the window, rendering both of them in shadow. Ignis has let Noctis remove his glasses and set them aside, despite the scars still standing out on his face. Noctis could tell Ignis he’d learn to love them. That would require a conversation, though, something that Ignis doesn’t seem to want. He’s stopped just short of avoiding Noctis recently, ending most of their encounters after only a few minutes.

“I could just . . .”

He doesn’t say, just leans closer and presses his lips to Ignis’s, soft. Ignis responds, kisses him back, and for a while this is all they know, the silk quiet and the feeling of each other. Ignis reaches up, fingers trailing slow paths across Noctis’s scalp, through his dark hair, and Noctis’s hands grip the sheets as he realizes what he wants. He and Ignis are pressed close, and Noctis’s skin is hot at his touch, every nerve tingling. He doesn’t remember the last time they touched like this—without Ignis stopping him after just a few heartbeats.

The velvet dark having fallen over the compartment, the silence filling the spaces around them, Noctis thinks, for a brief second, that they’ll be okay. He sits up, straddling Ignis now, and reaches for the first button on Ignis’s shirt. Undoes it. Slowly. He thinks he hears Ignis gasp softly, but he continues, moving down until he can slide the shirt away from Ignis’s shoulders. Ignis pushes himself up off the mattress to help him.

Shirt discarded beside them, Ignis lies back down, and when Noctis presses a kiss to his neck, he lets his head fall back, a gentle exhale escaping his lips. Noctis kisses his way down Ignis’s chest, his abdomen, until he reaches his belt, but by the time his fingers slip under it Ignis’s hands are already reaching blindly for Noctis’s own shirt, distracting him. He tugs it over his head to keep Ignis from having to manage the task. And then Ignis’s hands are on him, no gloves or clothing to separate their skin, and Noctis sighs, audibly.

Ignis pulls him back down, wordlessly, and their mouths brush again, slow soft kisses opening into harder, deeper ones, kisses that have Noctis gasping to catch his breath. He lowers himself just slightly, feels his hips press down against Ignis’s, leading to a breathy moan of his name. “ _Noct._ ”

Noctis slips his fingers beneath Ignis’s belt, finding the curve of his hip there, his warm skin. His hands move to undo the buckle, but as soon as he does, Ignis is sitting up. One of his hands slides onto Noctis’s bare shoulder.

“Noctis,” he breathes. “Stop.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Noctis asks, his voice low, confused. He thought things were going fine. Clearly something has made Ignis decide otherwise, but he can’t be sure what. They’re alone, the room is quiet, with little chance of anyone interrupting them. And they haven’t forgotten anything—Noctis made sure of that earlier.

“No,” Ignis says. “I did.”

He lies back, and the sight of him there—despite the situation’s sudden change in tone—still has Noctis wanting to make love to him. It’s been so, _so_ long. “What? Ignis, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I lied to you.”

Noctis’s heart stalls. “What do you mean?”

Ignis rests an arm over his eyes, blocking the sight of his scars from Noctis. When he speaks next, his voice trembles. “I don’t want to tell you this.”

He falls silent, and Noctis rolls off him, taking up the spot beside him instead so that Ignis can turn to whisper in his ear.

“In Altissia,” Ignis begins. He takes a shuddering breath before continuing. “I wanted very badly to ensure your safety, and I made a very risky, impulsive choice.”

Noctis waits for him to continue, but he doesn’t. “What choice?” he asks. He reaches for Ignis’s hand, begins to stroke his knuckles with a thumb.

“Noct.” Ignis’s voice is desperate, on the verge of tears. “I don’t—I can’t let you take responsibility for this. It was my decision, and mine alone. Please . . .” His breath hitches, and he looks away.

“What happened?” Noctis asks, more gently.

There is a long pause, during which Noctis hears only Ignis’s shaking breaths. But at last, his advisor decides to speak.

“I put on the Ring of the Lucii.”

Noctis can’t breathe. The same ring that drained his father’s life, the ring that he can’t bring himself to put on, but keeps hidden in his coat—Ignis wore _that_ ring, with only the wish to keep him safe, and the willingness to give up his life, give up _anything._ The pieces fit together in spite of his shock.

“ _No_ ,” Noctis says, letting go of Ignis’s hand. His voice sounds hoarse. “Ignis, no. You could have died. You—” _You sacrificed your sight to save me._ He draws in an impossible breath. _You could have died because of me. Like all the others._ He realizes too late he’s crying. “I could have lost you too.”

“I know.” Ignis wraps an arm around Noctis’s shoulders, draws him close. “I only wanted you to make it through, Noct. You’re the one who has to survive.”

“I can’t live without you,” Noctis says, voice unsteady, turning to press his face against Ignis’s neck. “I don’t know what I would have done if . . .” He takes a ragged breath. “Fuck.” The word comes out like a sob. Another breath in. “I can’t do this. I can’t be a good king. Listen to me. You risked your life for me, and all I care about is how I would have felt when I woke up.” Tears, hot and wet, streak his face and trail down to Ignis’s skin. “Fuck me, I should’ve thought about _you_. Your scars. Your life,” he says, the sentence punctuated by another sob. “I don’t even know how that would feel. Offering your own life for someone else’s. I don’t deserve you, Ignis.”

Ignis’s hand drifts up to Noctis’s hair, smoothing it, fingers weaving through it. “Noct,” he says softly. “The fact that you understand all of those things says so much. I think you’d make a magnificent king.”

“I can’t even protect you.”

“Noct, please,” Ignis says. “Don’t feel responsible for what I did. It was my decision.”

His hand ghosts its way down Noctis’s naked back, and Noctis shivers.

“I think we should get some rest,” Ignis whispers. Noctis nods.

As they lie down to sleep, side by side, Noctis rests a hand on Ignis’s cheek, his thumb brushing the edge of one of Ignis’s scars.

“Don’t ever think,” he says, voice still shaking, “that I’ll stop wanting you because of this. You’re still the most beautiful, perfect person I have ever met. And what you did . . .” He shakes his head. “Just—never do anything like that again, okay?”

“I love you, Noctis Lucis Caelum,” Ignis says, “and I would do anything for you. I’m afraid I can’t make any promises.”


End file.
